A long time ago a friend played the parody song Deteriorata performed by Norman Rose for me. Having a relatively short attention span, I listened (not so carefully) to the song the first time–but remembered and quoted many phrases from the lyrics thereafter.
A few years ago I happened across a copy of the song on Dr. Demento’s 3rd compilation set entitled: Dimensia 2000. Just recently I purchased a copy of the actual CD copy of the original record from which I heard the song. Here I present you with the lyrics for your enjoyment. Though the printed lyrics are funny, it does not give you the true feeling of the song accompanied by Norman Rose’s fantastic voice. So if you have a chance–pick up one of the aforementioned albums and give it a listen. It’s fantabulous.
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Deteriorata
Performed by Norman Rose
From The Greatest Hits of the National Lampoon
(Intro)
You are a fluke of the Universe. You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata
Deteriorata
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three–do.
Wherever possible put people on “hold”.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
(Chorus)
You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here.
(and) Whether you can hear it or not
The universe is laughing behind your back.
Remember the Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you;
That lemon on your left for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls,
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan,
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311.
Ask for “Ken”.
Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog
Is finally getting enough cheese;
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.
(Chorus)
You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,
The Universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore make peace with your God
Whatever you conceive him to be,
Hairy Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban-renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up.
(Chorus)
It is, of course, a parody of the poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann:
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.